This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize