I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
