we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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