That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
