youre lurking in front of me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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