lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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