scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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