but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
