I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
