; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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