i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
