What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
