Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
