She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
