Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize