i was born a porn star she said
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize