This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A bitchslap is in order.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
