the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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