Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
