at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
