I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
