I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
