Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
