Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
