im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
