apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
