i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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