Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
