i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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