fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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