she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
