Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His hands were made for my vagina.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
