put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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