i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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