The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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