You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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