I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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