The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
