I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
