Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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