I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
