Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
