I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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