i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
