You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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