remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
