after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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