The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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