Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
