what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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