Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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