i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize