...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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