So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
