i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
