Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
