if i can run in heels then i can drive
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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