I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
