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I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
