The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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