I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
