i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
