i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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