Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize