I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
