cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
