I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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